After doing Sat Kriya I dashed off to the Post Office
intending to purchase money orders to pay some bills, and then glanced
at my watch--the Post Office would not open for twenty minutes. There
was time to go to the Ashram, read the sadhana Gurdwara Hukam and have
some Guru's Prashad.
I was curious about
the Hukam, knowing it was Guru's reason for diverting me there. And
yes, towards the end was the message, "Those who leave off saying, 'mine, mine, mine,' the Lord arranges their affairs." Waheguru! It is
an important lesson for me at this time, in giving up a treasured life
style to serve the Guru.
The daycare
sale relieved me of only a fraction of those possessions, partly
because of hesitating to put it all up for sale. Whatever does not sell
by the end of the month will have to be given away if there is no place
to put it!
Being unable to use either of
my bank accounts, yardsale cash converted into postal money orders
enabled me to stave off three creditors threatening to seize my
Camry--the IRS, Mexico's State Tex and Revenue Department and a loan
association that used my car for collateral. Paying these bills cut
into the five hundred dollars I had promised to deposit in my overdrawn
account, but I did so with an easy mind, knowing that two weeks of
tuition for three children is coming in, as well as nearly two hundred
in Montessori sales yet to be paid.
It
was a peaceful day. The two girls who came created a cozy home scenario
for baby dolls that was a delight to see. We fed the animals and went
on a hike along the wooded irrigation canal to our neighbor's orchard
through child-high grass to pick pears and try out half-ripe red
delicious apples. Back at school, they coupled words with pictures, taking clues from
the few letters they know, matched animals with their natural terrain
and compared scented bottles to find two the same--eucalyptus, orange,
rose and mint.
The girls understand that
everything is up for sale, and played with deep appreciation,
treasuring the sense of sanctuary around them, their acceptance based
on our shared love, a knowing that true sanctuary is within.
Experiencing this beautiful ambiance imbued my soul with deep contentment, wherein I felt Guru to be ever with us.
When
the last child had gone I returned to the Mother Ashram to join sangat
members in chanting Guru Guru Wahe Guru Guru Ram Das Guru, as we will
be doing every evening leading up to Yogi Bhajan's birthday. Our
attunement to this beloved Guru brings miraculous blessings through our
prayers for the world.
Ten
or so folks remained within the Gurdwara afterwards, entranced by the suma wrestler antics of Snatam Kaur's nine-month-old daughter. What a
bundle of Guru she is, an expression of the power, beauty and joy of
Guru within all of us. There was much laughter, stories and interaction
shared with an inner knowingness and reverence for Guru's loving
presence.
August 18, 2009
Today's
Hukam is the same as yesterday's, a promise that slanderous claims and
perceptions will continue to be dispelled, enabling Truth to shine
forth in all purity. Guru is busy transmuting darkness into light, that
is for sure!
We will see how it manifests.
I pray this Hukam will clear the way for me to honorably move into a
graceful new home from where Gurus blessings may flow through my life
to the world.
I wrote Mataji of the
Mother Ashram of my concerns hoping that, like a true mother, she will
give me guidance to full-fill my destiny.
Sat Nam Gurumeher Kaur,
As
I had no children or income to pay rent at the beginning of August, my
landlady insisted that I use my last month's rent and
move out of the daycare house at the end of August. The yard sale did
not make enough money to pay August rent by her deadline of August
15th, nor enough to cover even overdraft fees on my overdrawn bank
account at Wells Fargo.
Meanwhile, I still
have a daycare set up with plentiful learning and play activities. For
the last two weeks of August there will be 2 to 3 children a day in my
care while their school is on vacation.
My
last daycare sale will be August 29th. There is so much--daycare
shelving, storage cabinets, teacher's books, many children's books,
Montessori 3R's materials, practical life and sensorial, creative play
materials and scenarios, livestock, shelters and fencing, it could take
months to sell everything, which may have to be done out of public
storage.
Even my bank has suggested I ask my
church for sanctuary. I need a home base where I can devote myself
whole-heartedly to fulfilling the divine destiny bestowed upon me.
Mataji, you know the Mother Ashram well. Kindly let me know what you feel is best.
Loving Blessings,
SS Guru Prem Kaur Khalsa
www.yogagems.com
My
day with the children was peaceful and happy. This time we went on a
hike through dense brush, forest and open meadows to the Santa Cruz
River, where we played with sticks and stones in the brook-like
currents and tried to float bark boats downstream, with little success.
The river moved slower than a snail's pace, damming our boats against
shallow stones.
Even small barriers seem
huge when your energy flow is low. My energy flow is huge yet the
barriers seem still huger. So how did I get the bark boats going? I
poked them with a branch from the riverside.
Just
so, I got poked this evening, to tears overflowing. A conversation with
one of the grandparents picking up a child about my daycare closing
because of lack of children and no way to pay rent, having to leave my
home with no place to go. It is a huge burden to lay on someone else
for no reason! I regretted it. Her eyes cast low, she could not bear to
hear anymore.
I wanted to go to kirtan
this evening at a dear friend's home, but first had to meditate to pull
myself together. Yogiji's Tratakum photo smiled at me with bright
shining eyes, so happy was he to see me squeezed into excellence!
I
made it over there, falling in and out of sadness, until I joined the
chanting with at least fifty other dear ones. It was sublime--much more
powerful than a faithless thought! The more I asserted my heart into
Guru Arjan's Narayan Shabad, and the more I beamed the Guru Ram Das
chant into the heavens to bless the earth, the more deeply did my soul
merge with my Beloved.
Snatam was
sitting next to me during langar--tofu dogs, potato salad, chips,
icecream cones and sandwiches, with her wondrous daughter. I felt
blessed when the baby stole my napkin and crunched it in her tiny
hands, for she looked up into my eyes with Guru's love. Thank you,
Guruji!
Before leaving I looked for the
host, my friend, to say goodbye, and request her advice. The Sikh
Dharma property manager was there and I asked her to stay. She could
not look at me. I knew she she had been informed that I hoped to move
to the ranch for temporary sanctuary. As expected
she spoke tersely, "There is no room available for someone who doesn't
want to work or pay rent."
I tried to wake her up, saying aloud how my whole life has been full of horrendous tests--yet it is because I have vast destiny.
As
she walked off I turned to speak with my friend, who gave me her honest
insights saying, "You are a precious commodity--my children and many
others in this community have been in your schools over the years and
benefited from your loving care. Why are you closing it now and selling
everything off? You are needed."
I
explained, "Enrollment dropped to zero the first week of August. I was
unable to pay rent, causing my landlady to order me out by the end of
the month. I have no choice!"
"But," she argued. "This is a temporary setback. Children will come. Don't give up just because the going gets tough!"
"Yes,
I have three children attending, and the daycare is still full of rich
activities for them, but they will only be here for the last two weeks
of August. There is not enough money to pay my bills, much less rent."
"I will think this over tonight and make some calls in the morning. We will do everything possible to help you."
I
thanked her dearly for her loving support and departed in good spirits,
yet am confused by so many mixed messages, all in essence from God and
Guru--"You don't want to work and earn money," "You are a precious
commodity," "You can't live here for free," "You can't stay where you
are," "Why give up?"
Whew!
My
friends are good intentioned, yet they have no idea of the vast
dynamics behind these going ons. I prefer to let everything unfold
Guru's way. Guru can be very dramatic, as we saw with the destruction
of the Akal Takhat--Guru's way of waking up the sleeping Sikh nation.
On
coming home there was a new message on my phone. The goose had been
delivered as promised and was in the farmyard. I looked out my window
and yes, there she was, a slender lovely white lady, friendly with the
lonely brown drake and moving in peaceful unison with the family of
white geese through the garden, who are curious and accepting. Thankyou
Guru Har Rai for instillng sweet harmony in these dear creatures.
Guru's plans unfold in seeming contradiction, coming, going, telling me, "Be Still."
Sat Nam
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